The start of a new year often comes with reflection, year-end reviews, and feedback conversations.
And even though we often hear the phrase “feedback is a gift,” it rarely feels that way in the moment.
Instead of focusing on what went well, we tend to fixate on critical comments.
One point of criticism can overshadow ten positive ones.
And suddenly, instead of feeling motivated, we start doubting ourselves.
Why does this happen – and how can feedback actually help you grow?
Why criticism hits harder than praise
Our brains are wired to notice threats more quickly than positive signals.
Critical feedback is often processed emotionally rather than rationally.
As a result, we may become defensive, emotional, or overly self-critical.
The good news: this reaction can be changed. Our brain is a muscle and we can re-wire it.
Start with appreciation
Before you analyze feedback, pause for a moment.
Someone took the time to reflect.
Someone chose honesty.
Someone was willing to support your development.
That alone deserves appreciation. Thank people for sharing what they value about you and where they see room to grow. Gratitude shifts your own mindset from focusing on the critic to creating room for your learning.
Words matter – especially the ones you use with yourself
Feedback is not about finding flaws. Always remember, It’s about adjustments, not judgement.
The question is not:
“What’s wrong with me?”
But rather:
“What can I fine-tune to be more effective?”
Understand feedback instead of interpreting it and jumping to conclusions
Instead, meet with the people who gave you feedback, your team members, peers, or your manager and ask them to share more details. The thinking behind sharing this specific feedback.
Ask them to help you understand the feedback more deeply.
Important: Avoid asking “Why” – the answer will be a defense. But what you want to find out is:
- How does this behavior show up?
- In which situations do you notice it most?
- What impact does it have on you or the team?“
This way, you collect data instead of assumptions.
Does feedback linger—and you’re not quite sure what to do with it?
In coaching, we take a closer look together and translate feedback into clarity, focus, and concrete next steps.
The real impact of feedback happens after the conversation
Make feedback a continuous part of your development:
- schedule quarterly check-ins with your team
- make it part of your regular conversations with your manager – it’s your responsibility to do so
- intergrate the feedback in your personal development plan
Communicate your plan clearly and follow through.
How to prepare for feedback conversations
To avoid becoming defensive, emotional, or overwhelmed:
- Set a clear intention, I want to understand and not defend. This is important for my personal development.
- Breathe consciously to calm your nervous system.
- Take notes to create distance.
- Separate behavior from identity: feedback describes actions, not your worth.
Good preparation helps you avoid emotional snap judgments. Remember that this is just the starting point and the foundation for your development plan for the year.
Conclusion: Feedback is an invitation, not a verdict
Feedback is not an end point – it’s a beginning.
The more calmly and honestly you engage with it,
the more likely you are to grow from it.
Not perfect. But clearer, more conscious and better aligned with what lies ahead.
Do you find it hard to truly accept feedback—even though you want to grow?
In coaching, we create clarity, sort through feedback, and turn it into concrete next steps for your development.